Dear Old Friend

Dear Old Friend,

We've been though so much together. How could you change on me like that? Although we had nothing in common to start out with, we felt our way through this friendship for you to become one of my closest confidants. What happened? Now we don't talk. Ever. It makes me sad, and a little sick to my stomach. We put in so much time to this friendship and it just makes me sick to think that it's all gone to waste. Now that you've changed though it's not quite the same. When we do talk it's... different. It's not because you smoke weed, it's just because you've changed.

You say that I've changed. That I'm not fun to hang out with anymore. Yes, I've been depressed. I've been down. I've been downright miserable. But I've always been that way and you've tolerated me. What's different now? You said that before you used to do everything for everyone else and now you're doing things only for yourself and that's why we aren't that good of friends anymore. Because you aren't doing anything for me. But if you recall, you really didn't do anything for me in the first place other than maintain a friendship. I'm going to admit that I didn't put in as much time and effort as you did to keep up this friendship. I already explained to you why this is. I've never had to work for a friendship before. Maybe that's why this friendship is dwindling away before our very eyes. Because I'm not putting any work into it. I admit to that again. I probably should have tried harder...

You know what scares me? That I don't know if I care anymore if this friendship goes away. You don't like spending time with me anymore and we don't have any common interests. The only thing keeping us together is our history, and history is easily forgotten. Before you left, you told me that I was one of those people that you were going to be friends with forever. Forever is a long time. That was before you changed, though. Now you're not the same, sadly, and that's why we're not as close. The fact that you smoke weed doesn't bother me, but you changing does. And you most definitely have changed. So I don't know if this is goodbye for now, goodbye forever, or not a goodbye at all, just a short hiatus. Whatever it is, I wish you well. Since we don't talk anymore, I can't really tell you that.

I hope you read this though.

That way everything will be on the table. Everyone has always told me you're toxic. I've always defended you. The thing that makes me uncomfortable now is that I think they may have been right. I'm not saying you're toxic per say (I know that's really contradictory). I am saying that since you've been gone, I've been happy. It's not you (I don't think). I think it's just really bad timing on your part. But you can't deny that it is a very untimely coincidence...

I think I'm done.

Love always,

Amanda