The Beginning of the End

What a night. I can't say anything other than that. So much has happened lately that I feel like I haven't had a chance to really take a step back and examine my life. I can't believe that the school year, my first year of college, is almost over! I only have three more years in this place and what have a done to make a name for myself? In the words of Rachel Berry, "Look, I know I'm just a sophomore [freshman], but I can feel the clock ticking away and I don't want to leave high school [college] with nothing to show for it." You knew I would quote Glee, why else would you read my blog? :) So next year I'm planning on kicking it up a notch, big time. How? SGA baby! And GSA, Honor's Program, Peer Counseling, Psychology Club (And then hopefully Psi Chi), and doing a shit ton of research. I'm going to be one busy girl... It'll all be worth it though. When I fill out that grad school application I know I'm going to be confident that I'll get into the school of my choice. Now I just have to figure out what I want to do with my life and then I'll be able to pick that school...

Also, I've been thinking more about the whole boyfriend thing. Yeah, that's back again. I'm CONSTANTLY reminded that I'm single. It's like every single freakin' day, every single freakin' thing reminds me that I'm alone. The crazy part is, most of me says it's not a big deal at all. Is that a bad thing? I think it kind of scares me. What is wrong with me? Why don't I want a relationship? Shouldn't I be trying to find someone by now? The other part of me however, it hurting every single day, every single time that I'm reminded of this fact. Everyone wants to feel wanted, and most days, I just don't. [Sorry. No emo. I'm trying to make this an emo-free zone.] Every girl wants to hear that they're pretty. It's a simple fact. Being wanted is a necessity of life. I'm not kidding with you. Having companionship (unless you're a psychopath) is a basic human need. Some days I feel so desperate to just go out and meet someone that I considering doing just that- hooking up with random guys. I mean, this is a totally theoretical situation because there are no guys out there that want to make out with me. Or at least there are none that make it known... But thankfully the bigger part keeps me in check and makes me remember that I want to save that. It is very, VERY, VERY difficult to tune out the other voice in my head, the negative one. I just realized that I must sound schizophrenic right now. I promise I'm not. My thoughts are just narrated by different people, especially when they are arguing. ANYWHO. I think I'm done talking now. It is also 2:37 in the morning as I type this on a school night and I have yet to do any of my homework. (KARAOKE FTW!)

I promise to start posting more frequently!

And random formspring creeper, if you're reading this, although I think it's creepy sometimes, I really like hearing that I'm pretty. :)

And for those of you wondering what I'm talking about, my formspring link is right to the side...

:DDD